The power of yes

I've always leaned toward routine, finding comfort in the rhythm of operating each day much like the previous one. Change is OK, as long as I have some control over it.
Unfortunately, life doesn't usually cooperate with my plans, and change happens.
But when an opportunity comes along that may take me out of my comfort zone and ask me to do something unfamiliar, I usually hesitate, and my first inclination is to say no. Turns out, saying no consistently actually shuts down part of my brain.
Recently I read an article that gave me pause. It's called "Just Say Yes" by Jamie Stringfellow in the July/August issue of Spirituality & Health, a magazine I receive at work that often reports on scientific research about the benefits of spiritual practices.

Stringfellow writes: "When you say no a lot, your brain gets in the habit, literally paving more neural pathways and raising the speed limit on your knee-jerk 'No!' response. Luckily, as brain scientists have realized, we can rewire our brains." 

The brain likes efficiency, so if you say no a lot, it starts assuming you're going to say no and starts responding that way automatically. It reminds me of typing something on Google that I've searched before, and it remembers and goes there right away.

So how do we rewire our brains, and why should we? The no response often comes out of fear--fear of failing, fear of falling, fear of rejection. However, Stringfellow writes, "neuroscientists know that when you expose yourself to new experiences … your brain releases noradrenaline and dopamine, and the exertion brings on endorphins. This makes you feel alert and better able to enjoy that moment and the ones that follow."

I should know better. The times I've said yes have usually turned out well, and I've been glad I did so. In 2009, I traveled to Paraguay in July and to Jordan in September, and both experiences were rewarding, despite some difficulties, such as being stuck in Argentina (during its winter) in an unheated house for two days waiting for a flight. In late June I attended a conference and led a workshop on spiritual practices (based on my book Present Tense). It went better than I'd hoped, largely because of people's wonderful participation. I was glad I said yes to doing that. And recently I've faced another decision that required me to take a risk. And after reading this article and talking with my spiritual director, I decided to say yes and see where it led. I still don't know where it will lead.

Saying yes is also important for building relationships. Stringfellow writes that Dr. John Gottman, a leading marriage researcher, says that the simplest way to make relationships work is "to say yes as often as you can without sacrificing an important part of yourself in the process." He even suggests saying something positive five times for every negative thing you say.

Does this mean you say yes to everything? No, you don't simply comply with someone who intends you harm. And we all need to set limits for our own health. But, says Dawna Markova, "what's important is not so much the yes as the willingness to say it. It's the pause."

Stringfellow writes: "Just being willing to say yes means you've removed the barriers to new people, experiences and feelings." And it gets you out of that knee-jerk no response so that new possibilities arise. 

This may be easy for you, but I've been a pessimist all my life, and saying yes, or even pausing to consider saying yes, means I believe something positive may happen. So this really is a spiritual practice.

Saying yes takes courage. It is also an act of love when you say yes to another. Maybe it's something worth practicing. Yes, it is.

Electronic cocaine

Before I get to that title, a few stories from this past week:
• On Saturday I was in Oklahoma City, attending the annual assembly of Western District Conference of Mennonite Church USA. That morning I led a workshop (organizers called it a "learning community") on spiritual practices. I'd barely begun when someone's cell phone went off. I said (to laughter), "Maybe a spiritual practice could be to turn off our cell phones."
• On Wednesday afternoon a friend of ours who moved to New Zealand in January stopped by for a visit, one of many stops during her two-week or so visit back to see family and friends. As we talked about the differences between New Zealand and here, she mentioned that there people are more active, less sedentary, less obese. And, she added, less obsessed with cell phones. She had visited a friend (here in the U.S.) who spent much of the time they were together texting. And there weren't others in the room; just the two of them.
• Later that evening, I went to our local grocery store to pick up something. On my way to the checkout counter, I passed a young boy, maybe 7 or 8 years old, walking behind his mother. He held a device that held his attention. As I passed him I saw that he was playing some kind of game on it. He seemed oblivious to others around him.
Then I came upon this article in the latest Newsweek called "Is the Onslaught Making Us Crazy?" by Tony Dokoupil.

I won't take the time to go through the article thoroughly but merely highlight some of its points. (Read it if you can.) 
First some stats:
• the average teen processes 3,700 texts per month;
• one-third of smart phone users go online before getting out of bed;
• in a poll of millennials (13- to 30-year-olds), most said they felt "exhausted" by their online activities;
• the brains of Internet addicts scan a lot like the brains of drug and alcohol addicts.
Have you ever heard of "phantom-vibration syndrome"? That's when everyday cell phone users report feeling their phone vibrate when in fact nothing is happening.
Dokoupil writes that "research is now making it clear that the Internet is not 'just' another delivery system. It is creating a whole new mental environment, a digital state of nature where the human mind becomes a spinning instrument panel, and few people will survive unscathed." 
Susan Greenfield, a pharmacology professor at Oxford University, says, "This is an issue as important and unprecedented as climate change."
Peter Whybrow, the director of the Semel Institute for Neuroscience and Human Behavior at UCLA, says "the computer is like electronic cocaine" (there's our title), fueling cycles of mania followed by depressive stretches.
Dokoupil goes on to refer to several different studies that show that overuse of the Web actually rewires the brain. A Chinese study showed that Internet addiction has led to "shrinkage of 10 to 20 percent in the area of the brain responsible for processing of speech, memory, motor control, emotion, sensory and other information."
The new Diagnostic and Statistics Manual of Mental Disorders, due to be released next year, will include for the first time Internet Addiction Disorder.
One psychiatrist, Elias Aboujaoude, points out that ADHD diagnoses have risen 66 percent in the last decade and adds, "There's little doubt we're becoming more impulsive."
Maybe that's enough. If we're dealing with addiction, then it won't be easy to change people's behavior. But in terms of spirituality, let me just go back to that incident in my workshop. We laughed, but maybe limiting our use of the Internet should be a spiritual practice. That may at least be a place to start.